Change

I have been thinking alot about change recently since in the next couple of months, alot of change will be happening. I will be travelling to places I have never been to before, moving out of my childhood home, going to university... and in all honestly I am both terrified and excited for these changes. I have been staying in Wales for the last couple of days at a cottage which I have visiting since I was a baby and it made me really think about how much I have changed over the years.

I love visiting this beautiful area of the UK (the Snowdonian mountains are magical) and staying in a 18th century cottage is pretty incredible in itself. I have so many amazing memories connected with the place and all weekend, I couldnt stop thinking about how much I have changed and grown since I was a young girl. In a way, this beautiful cottage has become a symbol of change for me.

I always joke about how I am connected by blood to the place. When I was only 6 months old, I climbed on a table and it fell on me. I ended up badly cutting my right cheek and I now have a large scar because of this. In a weird way, it is like a constant reminder of this cottage and all the happy memories I have had as a child there.

I would spend most of my school breaks in Wales and I loved it. My sister and me would share a room and I would annoy her because I took too much of the duvet. I remember one time, me and my sister were at the beach. We just sat and watched the sunset together (which if you didnt know I LOVE sunsets) and it was magical. I also have a really clear memory from Christmas one year which we spent there. I was around 7 years old and my sister was 13. We were opening presents and I was given a teddy bear, which my grandpa had made me and I fell in love with it. I loved this bear with whole heart and I still have it to this day (he sits on my bookshelves). It is such a precious memory and I have grown so much since then but this bear still means the world to me. 

About 5 years ago my entire family (on my mothers side) headed to Wales together. It was so much fun and every night we were up till 1am talking, laughing, telling stupid stories and playing cards. Looking back, it was an amazing and happy week for all of us. Now, my family barely talk and we are nowhere near as close as we were then. Sadly my family's relationship with one another has deteriorated following the deaths of both my grandparents and I know for a fact that they would be very disappointed in the state of family affairs right now. It sucks and I miss how things used to be but things change. I guess what I am trying to say is change isn't always great and it is kinda heartbreaking looking back and realizing how different things are but sometimes change is inevitable and you can't stop it even if you really really want to. 

I could go on for hours telling you funny stories and lovely memories I have about the place yet that's not really want I want to talk about. I want to talk about my growth as a person. I think it's acceptable to refer to myself as the weird kid. I was always nervous, awkward, scared and naive (and that's only naming a few) when I was younger. I was an annoying, moody teenager who struggled alot since I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be. I hated school, the world and annoying boys. I would cry alot and I felt like I couldn't be myself. Yet whenever I went to Wales and stayed there, I felt at home and safe. 

Change isn't always bad though. I have changed so much since then. I am now so much happier and I am happy with who I am. I am still terrified about the world and I'm still pretty awkward yet I know who I am and who I want to be. The changes in my life since I was a little girl visiting Wales have been pretty significant but I guess now I am so much stronger than I used to be. 

Change is scary. Terrifying. Unavoidable. A jump into the void. Yet it is also amazing to move forward, grow up and develop because of these changes. I feel like you need to experience change, whether it is good or bad, to grow and develop as a person. Sometimes it can really hurt and I completely understand what that feels like but change is usually something that will allow you to move forward. Grow, flourish and just become something better.