My Bucket List

I love lists. I am very rarely organised but when I am. I make lists. I write everything down and attempt to complete all the things I need to do. Since I am usually really busy, making these lists helps alot. My favourite kind of list is a "Bucket List" because I love the concept of being able to make a list of all my aspirations and dreams I wish to achieve before I die. I have alot. There's so much I would love to see/do and I am going to share my Bucket List with you!

1. Pass my A Levels and get into University. This might seem like a pretty simple point but since I am currently being in the middle of these exams it is kinda terrifying and feels like I might never get there but fingers crossed I can do it !

2. Try Bungee Jumping. I remember when I was 9, I was in Austria with my family and we watched this guy bungee jump from the top of the bridge and it was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen. It has been a huge ambition of mine to do this and I guess that guy inspired me.

3. Visit all seven continents (so far i have only visited 2?) I love travelling but I really don't feel like I have seen enough of the world. I am heading to Switzerland and Uganda this summer so I feel like this is a step in the right direction but I really just want to travel and explore this beautiful world we live in.

4. Stargaze with someone I love. 

5. Get a tattoo. I never used to want a tattoo, it was something I always frowned upon (which is stupid really) but I recently decided that I wanted to get one my fave lyrics tattooed onto my ribcage. I was lucky enough to meet Nick from Walk The Moon so he personally wrote the lyrics "The Universe Won't Wait For You" out for me and I really can't wait to get it because the lyrics mean so much to me, I guess just need to be brave now.

6.Write a Book/Publish one of my own stories. I'm pretty sure all of you know about my aspirations to become a writer and if I had my own published book, it would be a dream come true. Hopefully one day this will happen.

7.Travel around / Live in Japan for a year. I just find the Japanese culture so fascinating and beautiful and I would love to spend a year teaching English out there and if I can't do that then I aspire to travel around as much as Japan as I can.

8. See Tom Odell perform live. I am a HUGE Tom Odell fan and I still haven't seen him live ? so I am determined to see him perform live before I die and he's touring the UK in autumn this year so hopefully i will be able to see him live.

9. Trek the Inca Trail/Visit Machu Picchu. So if you didn't know this is a 4-5 day hike in the Andes Mountain Range which leads to Machu Picchu. I have always dreamed of visiting this beautiful place and I have always loved hiking and it would be so incredible to complete this.

10. Visit San Francisco. I have never been to America and San Francisco has always intrigued me. When I finally head to America, it will be the first place I visit.

11. Fall In Love. This is such a cliche point but I have never experienced love and I would like to share this magical feeling with someone.

12. Have a pen pal. This is already in the process of no longer being part of my bucketlist as myself and my friend have started writing to one another but previously this was something I always wanted to do yet I never had anyone to write to.

13. Attend a Masquerade Ball. As much as I like to pretend I am not into this kinda thing, it has always been a childhood dream of mine to attend one of these and in December this year, I am finally attending one!

14. Go to Budapest. I have always wanted to visit this beautiful city and the architecture is so unique and magical. It would be a dream to visit.

15. Change someone's life for the better. This summer, I will be travelling to Uganda and hopefully I will be able to have a positive impact and change someone's life.  I feel like this is such a important factor and being able to know I have helped someone and made their life better would be magical.

I have so many other sections to my bucket list and I might make a part 2 of this if people request it. I guess Bucket Lists allow you to write down all the things you want to do, but sometimes instead of writing stuff down it is better to go out and live.

Songs About Red - Book Review

Rating: 5/5

I am a cynic when it comes to love. I hate romance novels. I cannot stand them. I hate the soppy idealized concept of love within them. Love isnt perfect. Love is too often manifested to be this "magical feeling" shown through loud words and big gestures. To me, it is the little things that make you fall in love and that is exactly what this book is about.

The tagline for this book explains how the characters "prove how loud unspoken love can be and how the quiet ones can be the bravest". I cannot praise this book enough and it is so frustrating how unknown Songs About Red is because it deserves so much more recognition. So if you take anything from this review, please go and buy this book because it is such a beautiful and heartfelt novel about first love.

Songs About Red follows Kyle and Amber, who are quiet and pretty average 17 year olds. Kyle is a musician; he plays guitar and he sneaks out most evenings to play gigs in the bar downtown. Amber is the quiet red-head who loves to write. They meet by chance of fate at a diner and their relationship blossoms as they write songs together.

I adored the writing in this book and some of the lines are perfectly crafted. I am going to quote my favourite lines from the book which is an extract from a poem Amber has written, it is just so beautiful and I just had to share it!

STARS
You said,
"You are not doomed to a star
Not when there are brighter stars
In other galaxies."

And I believed but I knew
I was doomed to you because
You weren't just a star
You are a galaxy.

I loved the characters of Kyle and Amber. I felt so emotionally involved within their lives. For me, very few writers are able to make me feel so connected to the characters yet when I first read it I just wanted both of them to be happy. Their entire relationship is so beautifully crafted and it was nice to see a fictional relationship looking into how they first met and the growth there was over the years within their relationship. Even though they are 17, this book is not restricted to young adult fiction. It just tells the tale behind first love and finding yourself in a cruel and difficult world.

I will confess I hated the idea of romance until I came across this book. It completely changed my view of romance books - mainly because it tells such a deeper story which also discusses important factors in life and the concept of change. This is possibly one of my favourite books and I have been wanting to write about it for a while but after re-reading it. I feel even more contempt in the fact I love this book to pieces.

PLEASE READ THIS BOOK, YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT AND IT WILL MAKE YOUR HEART MELT BECAUSE OF THE BEAUTIFUL PASSAGES OF WRITING AND ADORABLE SCENES OF 'FIRST LOVE'.

Change

I have been thinking alot about change recently since in the next couple of months, alot of change will be happening. I will be travelling to places I have never been to before, moving out of my childhood home, going to university... and in all honestly I am both terrified and excited for these changes. I have been staying in Wales for the last couple of days at a cottage which I have visiting since I was a baby and it made me really think about how much I have changed over the years.

I love visiting this beautiful area of the UK (the Snowdonian mountains are magical) and staying in a 18th century cottage is pretty incredible in itself. I have so many amazing memories connected with the place and all weekend, I couldnt stop thinking about how much I have changed and grown since I was a young girl. In a way, this beautiful cottage has become a symbol of change for me.

I always joke about how I am connected by blood to the place. When I was only 6 months old, I climbed on a table and it fell on me. I ended up badly cutting my right cheek and I now have a large scar because of this. In a weird way, it is like a constant reminder of this cottage and all the happy memories I have had as a child there.

I would spend most of my school breaks in Wales and I loved it. My sister and me would share a room and I would annoy her because I took too much of the duvet. I remember one time, me and my sister were at the beach. We just sat and watched the sunset together (which if you didnt know I LOVE sunsets) and it was magical. I also have a really clear memory from Christmas one year which we spent there. I was around 7 years old and my sister was 13. We were opening presents and I was given a teddy bear, which my grandpa had made me and I fell in love with it. I loved this bear with whole heart and I still have it to this day (he sits on my bookshelves). It is such a precious memory and I have grown so much since then but this bear still means the world to me. 

About 5 years ago my entire family (on my mothers side) headed to Wales together. It was so much fun and every night we were up till 1am talking, laughing, telling stupid stories and playing cards. Looking back, it was an amazing and happy week for all of us. Now, my family barely talk and we are nowhere near as close as we were then. Sadly my family's relationship with one another has deteriorated following the deaths of both my grandparents and I know for a fact that they would be very disappointed in the state of family affairs right now. It sucks and I miss how things used to be but things change. I guess what I am trying to say is change isn't always great and it is kinda heartbreaking looking back and realizing how different things are but sometimes change is inevitable and you can't stop it even if you really really want to. 

I could go on for hours telling you funny stories and lovely memories I have about the place yet that's not really want I want to talk about. I want to talk about my growth as a person. I think it's acceptable to refer to myself as the weird kid. I was always nervous, awkward, scared and naive (and that's only naming a few) when I was younger. I was an annoying, moody teenager who struggled alot since I had no idea who I was or who I wanted to be. I hated school, the world and annoying boys. I would cry alot and I felt like I couldn't be myself. Yet whenever I went to Wales and stayed there, I felt at home and safe. 

Change isn't always bad though. I have changed so much since then. I am now so much happier and I am happy with who I am. I am still terrified about the world and I'm still pretty awkward yet I know who I am and who I want to be. The changes in my life since I was a little girl visiting Wales have been pretty significant but I guess now I am so much stronger than I used to be. 

Change is scary. Terrifying. Unavoidable. A jump into the void. Yet it is also amazing to move forward, grow up and develop because of these changes. I feel like you need to experience change, whether it is good or bad, to grow and develop as a person. Sometimes it can really hurt and I completely understand what that feels like but change is usually something that will allow you to move forward. Grow, flourish and just become something better.

Let's Talk Feminism : Why Am I A Feminist?

I have spent a while rewriting and editing this post and in all honestly, I have never struggled like this when I have been writing before. I guess it is probably due to the many thoughts I have about this issue. It is something that impacts my life everyday and it is such a controversial topic right now but many of you requested I discuss it on here.

I thought I would create a series of blog posts called "Let's Talk Feminism" and I will be addressing a different issue each month, which will include; cat-calling, sexual objectification, rape culture, the media's impact and the beauty myth, the gender pay gap, domestic violence, FGM and the gender inequality in developing countries.

Today, I am going to be talking about feminism and why I am a feminist.

I understand that due to my background I may just sound like a "white feminist" and in a sense, yes I am. But I understand that there are many other issues facing women of other ethnicities and from different countries to me. I want equality for all. I would like to call myself a inter-sectional feminist as I understand that many men/women struggle with racism, homophobia (and many other issues) as well as sexism and it is almost impossible to separate these issues. I want equality.

So why am I a feminist?

1. Because men and women should be treated equally.
2. Because the "Beauty Myth" still exists and growing up, myself and many other young girls were under constant pressure from the media to look "pretty" which just establishes low self-esteem and insecurity within young girls.
3. Because 1 in 3 women will be sexually assaulted at some point during their lifetime, usually by someone they know personally.
4. Because when a victim of sexual abuse or assault speaks to authorities they will be asked "what were you wearing?"
5. Because women should be paid fairly and equally for the same work their counterparts do instead of being paid less as they aren't men.
6. Because Rape Culture still exists.
7. Because my gender should not affect whether I will get a job or not.
8. Because I cannot walk down a street alone at night without feeling afraid or being cat-called.
9.  Because Female Genital Mutilation is still happening today and 125 million women living in Africa or the Middle East will have suffered this horrific act. 
10. Because many women are deprived of an education. This was highlighted in April 2014 when 276 Nigerian schoolgirls were kidnapped by an Islamist terrorist group due to the fact they were gaining an education. Girls represent nearly 60% of children that are not in school.
11. Because so many girls in developing countries cannot afford to look after their sanitary health. So many women drop out of school as they cannot afford to have sanitary towels so they have to use leaves. 
12. Because Rape is continuously used as a weapon against women especially through war and genocide. 
13. Because one of the few ways to avoid male attention is to say "I have a boyfriend."
14. Because "Like A Girl" is still an insult and it is not fair that men are made to withhold their emotions as it is not seen as a "masculine" thing if a man cries.
15. Because men suffer from mental health issues and they are often made to withold their emotions. Nearly 4 in 5 suicides (78%) are by men and is the biggest cause of death for men under 35.
16. Because my sexuality ( whether I am a virgin or I have had sex) defines me when it should not. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the same way boys are.  
17. Because gender bias concepts should not control our society, in the same way it currently does.
18. Because domestic violence is so prominent within society and many people still think it is acceptable. 

I wish for a world in which my gender will not affect my life choices. I wish for a world in which men and women are treated equally. I wish for a world in which gender bias concepts don't control us. I want change. I want a better world where we can live without the gender discrimination that affects and controls all of us.

Things I Love

I have alot of favourite things. I am a hoarder of feelings and emotions. I always find myself falling in love with random things that would normally never be acknowledged. I am going to try to talk through some of these since you always seem to like the posts when I talk about the things I love.

If you didn't already know, one of my favourite things to do is write. It is one of the main reasons I started this blog. I love it because it allows me to express myself. I love the feeling I get when I hold a pen in my hand and just write down all my feelings and emotions. I let myself go when I am writing and it is so freeing.

I love train journeys. I live in the middle of nowhere and I have alot of friends that live quite far away from me, so I catch trains alot to visit them. It is one of my favourite things to do as I just listen to my iPod and look out of the window on the world passing by.

I love train stations, I love the crazy busy atmosphere and when you have a spare moment whilst waiting for your next train or your friend it is amazing to just sit and people watch. Watch the people rushing and walking and getting lost and it's amazing to see so many different people all in one place.

I am terrible at photography but one of my favourite things to do is take photos with disposable cameras. I am not someone that likes taking artsy photos. I just love the uncertainty of what I have taken, since I have the worst memory. I love the excitement I feel whilst I wait for my photos to be developed. The ability they have to capture a moment of happiness or joy or sadness, is just magical. I take my disposable camera with me - everywhere - because you never know when a moment could become something beautiful.

I am a lover of books. I am a hoarder and a collector. I feel like you can never own too many and it is reflected in the state of my room. There are piles of books all over my room  since they no longer fit in my bookshelves. I love hardbacks and I love paperbacks. I love old and delicate leatherbound books. I love poetry. I love reading the words and feeling the power behind them.

I love stargazing. I was never a professional or anything but I would always sneak out of my house when I was younger, walk up the hill beside my house taking a flask of hot chocolate with me and look up at the stars. I loved looking at the stars and knowing I wasn't so alone. I love the idea of infinity, even though it is kinda terrifying. I love the idea that the world we are a part of has thousands of possibilities that are never ending.

I love gigs. I love going to small venues. I love seeing my favourite bands perform live. I love singing and dancing badly. I love moshing. I love the feeling you get when you sing the lyrics and everyone sings along. I love losing myself in the music. I love that feeling after the gig when you leave and you can't really believe how magical it was to be a part of something like that.

I love my family and my friends. I love all the old photos that are stuck around my room that remind me that I am surrounded by amazing people who love me for me. I love people that will love and care for me despite all the stupid mistakes I have made in the past, the people that understand me and laugh at my terrible jokes.

I know that it is quite easy to dawn on the negative stuff. It is so easy to let in consume you and take over your life but you can very easily look up and realise that there is alot of stuff to love out there. There is alot of magical and beautiful stuff in the world that is so underrated. Appreciate it. Love it.

Feeling Nostalgic ....

So for some weird reason I have been thinking alot about my favourite memories and I have been really nostalgic recently. My room is full of items that mean alot to me and have really random stories behind them so I thought I would share 5 of these items with you (I might make this a regular thing if people like this?):

- Item #1 : London Tube Ticket.
I got this ticket on the 11th November 2014. So this day I was in London. I had spent the previous day meeting my idols at the Mockingjay Premiere and it just has a lot of happy memories connected to this ticket. I spent the four days I was in London that November smiling so much and they were the most incredible few days of my life.

- Item #2 : Rhodes Setlist
So I think I have already mentioned this night in previous posts but for Ritchie's (my bestfriend) 18th I suprised him with a trip to Manchester. We saw Rhodes perform live and we were stood at the barrier the entire night and it was incredible. I sang and laughed alot with my bestfriend and it was nice to treat him since hes been there for me everyday for 7 years (when we first met when we were 11 and we just got each other.)  I managed to grab a setlist and I got it signed. We both got to meet Rhodes and it was amazing.

- Item #3 : Disposable Pictures
So growing up, cameras weren't as high tech as they are now so alot of my babies pictures were disposable ones and one of my favourite of these disposable pictures is placed directly above my desk so whenever I am working I can see it. It is me as a 3 year old walking with my grandpa. We are at the seaside in North Wales. I don't actually remember this since I was so young but my grandpa was such a huge part of my life growing up and I miss him alot. He taught me so much so when he passed away when I was 14 I really struggled and I lost myself for a while but I would always look at this picture and smile because without him I wouldnt be who I am today. He is one of my biggest inspirations.

- Item #4 : Team Uganda Badge
So I am pretty sure I have mentioned this trip in previous posts but I have been selected to represent North West England Guides to travel to Uganda this August. I still can't really believe it and this badge is just a reminder to me that its actually happening. I am part of a team of 9 girls who are the kindest and coolest girls, they are kinda like a family to me and I can't wait for this summer.

- Item #5: My CD player.
If you didnt know, music is one of my favourite things. I love music and I have a huge pile of CDs which I adore, although I do listen to music online alot. I love owning hard copies of the music. I actually got this CD player on my 12th birthday from my parents since my old one wasn't working and 6 years later I am still using it. It is probuably one of the most loved items in my room since whenever I am having a good or bad day I just play one of my CDs and ignore life for a couple of hours whilst I sing loudly and dance badly around my room!

Being Spontaneous

From a young age, I have always been nervous. I was nervous about people and friends and school.  I was terrified of the unknown.  The more I think about it, the more I relate my nervousness to my fear of what could go wrong. I am someone that has always feared the worst but recently I have been stepping out of my comfort zone and doing stuff i would never normally do, which is exactly what this blog post is about - being spontaneous.

So last week, my friend rang me up. We hadn't seen each other in a while and she wanted to meet up one night so we could catch up. We ended hanging out on a friday night and living in a rural town, nothing really happens where I live. Whilst we were eating pizza and chatting, we could hear a sound rehearsal happening downstairs. I ended up dragging her with me to the small gig and we danced the night away.

I go to gigs alot but it was just magical to dance and listen to the music without any prior knowledge of the band. Since I had already had a couple of drinks at this point I was feeling more confident and I just danced like an idiot but even then, it was amazing to just feel the life and rhythm if the music and not care about how all these middle aged women that were dancing alot better than me. I was there, in the moment, loving life.

Following the gig, we ended up hanging out with the support band, who were lovely guys (they even gave me free tickets to their next headline show, which is kinda crazy) and we drunkenly spoke about politics and music. I guess what am I am trying to say is, the spontaneous decision we made to go to this gig and not just get really drunk (as we had planned to do) but dance the night away allowed me to have one of the best nights I have had in a long time. 

Another thing, I have found out about being spontaneous is that it is so much fun. For me, it feels like I am stepping into a dark void, with no idea where it will end or what will happen to me. It is terrifying but also magical. There are endless possibilities that come from being spontaneous and it is time to take that jump and do something spontaneous.